My brain says no but my pants say off.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize