also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
