the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
