...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
