I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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