We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
