It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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