Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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