What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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