Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
A bitchslap is in order.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize