I just pynch a tree in the face
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
no, he came in my armpit
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
