He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize