The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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