Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
