Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
