the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
