You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
