When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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