then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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