I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
