This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
