he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
