Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
