There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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