Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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