This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
