HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You were trust falling into bushes
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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