even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
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