my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
