Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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