You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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