the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
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