Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Randomize
