I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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