That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
