i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
