I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
