I just threw up on my dentist
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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