But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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