the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize