So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Operation Purity has been aborted
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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