i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize