Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
