If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
