she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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