I'm eating all of the evidence.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
