it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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