Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You are a genius and a whore.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
