I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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