can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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