make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
