i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
All the doctor said was why
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
