I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
