It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
