Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
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