Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Randomize
