dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
