Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize