he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
No subtext here. People are naked.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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