A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
