So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
