I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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