Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
