I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
