Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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