Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize