so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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