dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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